The Brain Damage Quiz
In late 1984, back when bulletin board systems had a single phone line and when you connected, you probably did it at 300 bits per second (bps)(An average dial-up connection these days is 53,000 bps), a member of a local (Chicagoland) BBS posted this message.
BBS Msg from CCBS BBS, 11/16/84
From : Don Piven
To : All you budding neurotics
Subject : In case you weren't sure
This is the Official Brain Damage Quiz. Please answer each question "True" or "False." Please answer each question honestly and to the best of your ability, or your answers may not be honest or to the best of your abilities.
[1] People tell me one thing one day and out the other.
[2] I can't unclasp my hands.
[3] I can wear my shirts as pants.
[4] I feel as much like I did yesterday as I do today.
[5] At parties, I like to sit by myself and collect a great deal of saliva.
[6] I often mistake my hands for food.
[7] I'd rather eat soap than little stones.
[8] I never liked room temperature.
[9] I line my pockets with hot cheese.
[10] My throat is closer than it seems.
[11] I am annoyed by the taste of my teeth.
[12] Sometimes I feel compelled to count the freckles on my arms over and over until I lose control of my bladder.
[13] Most things are better eaten than forgotten.
[14] Likes and dislikes are among my favorites.
[15] My patio is covered with killer frost.
[16] I've lost all sensation in my shirt.
[17] I try to swallow at least three times a day.
[18] My best friend is a social worker.
[19] I've always known when to close my eyes.
[20] My squirrels don't know where I am tonight.
[21] Little can be said for Luxembourg.
[22] No napkin is sanitary enough for me.
[23] I walk this way because I have to.
[24] Walls impede my progress.
[25] I can't find my marmots.
[26] I like mechanics magazines, but I would rather fondle a Marine.
[27] My uncle is as stupid as paste.
[28] My toes are numbered.
[29] I can pet animals by the mouthful.
[30] People tell me I'm deaf.
[31] Man's reach should exceed his overbite.
[32] My beaver won't go near the water.
[33] I can find my ears, but I have to look for them.
[34] I don't like any of my loved ones.
[35] Sometimes I have the strange feeling that I've done something before.
[36] Sometimes I have the strange feeling that I've done something before.